i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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