I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
