Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
