I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
