mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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