Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
