all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
