Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
