Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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