The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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