you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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