Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
