Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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