and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
