I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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