My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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