ugly people sure do ruin things
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
