dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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