Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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