He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
