I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
wow bdsm is so cute
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize