We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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