Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
