Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
