I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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