if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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