The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
