Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She even gives head with a lisp.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
