would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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