Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
