On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
