guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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