He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
