i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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