My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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