I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
