Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
