I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
