My nipple is on Facebook.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
