I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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