She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
