Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
