look no pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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