So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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