So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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