I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
