I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you had me at cake vodka
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
