I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize