Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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