Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it because I queefed?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
