i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He shit in the fireplace
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
