I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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