Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
