I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
