Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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