Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize