toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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