my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
