The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
