ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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