I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
