We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
