Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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